Believe
by half agony and hope
Summary: "I'm not going to tell you everything will be fine. That would just trivialize your worries—and it'd probably be a lie. But know this," she said, her tone thoughtful. "The very fact that you're wondering these things means you have changed." Jane and Lisbon voice their fears about beginning a family.


**AN: Hi dearest readers! Again, I must offer my profuse apologies for the delay in posting this. I know I promised this oneshot a few weeks ago, and I make no excuses. This was inspired by a prompt left by a guest reviewer who wanted to see Jane worried about the new baby. I hope I've done your idea justice!**

**Also, thanks to all who read and reviewed _Reichenbach. _**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist.**

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Believe

"Hey you."

Lisbon's voice cut through the whispers of grasses and creak of trees around him, and Jane looked up from his spot on the ground. He rested his arm on the log behind him and turned to face her.

"Hi," he said, giving her a quick smile before scooting over to make room for her on the blanket. Lisbon leaned down to brush her lips against his before sitting down next to him. "How was work?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's going to be a long pregnancy," she said. "Cho might be even more overprotective than you, and _that's_ saying something."

"He's more perceptive than I'd given him credit for," said Jane. "And I had given him a lot of credit before. How long did it take him to guess—a week? A week and a half?"

"Eight days," corrected Lisbon as a duck splashed in the water somewhere to their left. "He figured it out _eight days_ after I told you. And might I add that the only reason he _did _figure it out was because you couldn't stop grinning like an idiot? We might have been able to keep it a secret if it weren't for you!"

"Oh, come now, Lisbon—you're not really upset with me. And it's not like Cho's going to tell anyone unless you give him permission."

He tore his gaze from the sun, which had begun to cast an orange glow on the property as it sunk, to look over at Lisbon. Despite the look she was shooting him, she didn't seem particularly upset that Cho had been let in on their secret.

"Plus, it's probably good that he does know," Jane added as an afterthought, "with him being the new boss and all that. It might affect how he handles the team."

"Oh, stop being all rational," said Lisbon, and she slapped him lightly on the elbow with the back of her hand. "That's my job."

Jane grinned. "Recently it hasn't been," he quipped. "Your pregnancy hormones have seen to that."

"Shush!" said Lisbon, and her eyes closed as she began to giggle. "I'm not that bad," she managed to get out as her laughter subsided.

"Compared to the stories I heard from Rigsby about Grace when she was pregnant, you are an absolute saint," Jane said, and Lisbon leaned her head on his shoulder, chuckling softly.

"How is the cabin coming along?"

"Today was frustrating," Jane admitted. "It kind of hit me that I'm on a deadline now—and I kept running into more roadblocks."

"You can always hire extra help," suggested Lisbon. "God knows Stan could use the money. I planned on giving him some anyway, but this way he'd actually feel like he was doing something to earn it."

When he didn't respond, Lisbon continued. "Plus, it's not like we don't have a place to stay when the baby comes. We have my house—and we have the airstream."

Lisbon lifted her head off his shoulder. Their eyes met, and Jane could tell the second Lisbon realized that his worries had little to do with the cabin.

"Hey," she said softly, threading her arm underneath his and moving closer to him. "What is it?"

Jane shook his head, looking away from Lisbon, staring instead across the pond to their cabin. The rays from the sinking sun seemed to make it positively glow, he thought. He felt Lisbon take his hand and place it on her stomach.

"I'm worried, too, you know," she said, her fear given voice for his ears only.

Jane looked down at their hands on her stomach. There was a small bump there, noticeable to no one save for Lisbon and himself.

"I keep telling myself it's normal to feel this scared," said Jane, speaking slowly as he tried to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. "I keep telling myself that it's normal to feel like I'm not ready—to feel like I can't handle this. But telling myself that doesn't make the thoughts go away."

"It's worse this time around, isn't it?" said Lisbon, and Jane knew she understood the sentiments he was trying to convey. "Because of Charlotte, you know how much you have to lose."

"My entire life shattered," he agreed. "And sometimes I wonder—have I really changed? Have I become any better? What if I make the same mistakes? And what if the outcome's the same?" His hand tensed underneath hers. "I had this...this vision today. You, on another paramedic gurney, with that goddamned smiley face drawn in blood on your face. And a baby girl with your hair and my eyes—lying dead in her crib."

A breeze blew across the pond, and goosebumps appeared on Jane's arms. Lisbon squeezed his hand, and he continued. "It's just…if something happened to you or this baby…I don't know how I'd survive. The only reason I did the first time around was because you were there to pick up the pieces."

Jane felt her hands move from her stomach to his face, and she smoothed his hair back in soothing motions.

"I'm not going to tell you everything will be fine. That would just trivialize your worries—and it'd probably be a lie. But know this," she said, her tone thoughtful. "The very fact that you're wondering these things means you _have _changed." Her thumbs moved to stroke his cheekbones, and he kissed the side of her hand. She continued. "The fact that you're worrying about this practically ensures that you will not make the same mistakes. And might I remind you that what happened all those years ago was not your fault? I know you've heard this multiple times, but sometimes I still don't think you believe it."

He nodded against her hands.

"Listen, Jane," she said. "We're human. We're going to make mistakes—but we'll learn from them because we'll try to be better every single day. And that's the thing that makes us ready to be parents. We will be the best parents this kid could ever hope for. Not because of our ability to avoid pain—but because of our ability to _overcome_ it."

Lisbon smiled up at him tentatively. "You're my partner, Jane. You're my best friend—and you're the only person in the world who I would trust to be a father to my child."

Jane moved his fingers over her stomach, floored by her words. He nodded sharply.

Lisbon shivered against him, and Jane realized the sun had ducked beneath the trees while they'd been talking. He wrapped his arms around her, and she leaned into his warmth. Jane kissed her temple.

"We are going to be extraordinary parents, Jane," she said again, and he finally began to believe it.

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**Thanks for reading! **

**Next up is the long-promised sequel to _Into the Blue_. I'm on spring break this week, so I'm optimistic that the first chapter will be up soon. I'm so excited to share it with you guys!**

**~Hope**


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